Pagan pride day

<p>I want to try blogging as a way to get closer to the goddess and myself. It is difficult doing so without my laptop to easily access the internet and to type with fewer mistakes. I will try my best!! What do you say could help someone who has no blogging know-how? Writting prompts of course! My first prompt I found through a blog dedicated to making pagan prompts only! The name is easy, Pagan Blog Prompts, and almost every two weeks she has a new post with questions about a pagan subject, simple enough right? Of course it is! If you can write. So here is my first try!

Pagan Pride day
My take on pagan pride day is it is a wonderful way to meet new and interested pagan people. It gives interested people a way to explore and ask those experienced about the practices and beliefs of different pagan secs while offering workshops, and vendors open to the public.(phew what a definition). I have only gone 2 times since I began practicing. By inability to not be shy has held me back. I have, however, went to a fundraising event and won!
I do infact, have an event only 13 miles away in Savannah and it is full of people from Georgia and south Carolina, which is juust across the river. It is diverse and not what you would expect in this section of the world. They have classes and workshops, art and vendors, and guest speakers. I do enjoy it every year, it falls near my birthday! Hope next year I finally am able to go with a fellow pagan!

The moment when....

I've decided it's time to quit bringing up the past. I often do it around my new boyfriend, and I'm sure it hurts, but I want us to work. He is amazingly sweet and super unique. I think I'm in love with him, it's finally time that I put the past behind myself and move onto a new chapter in my life. I want to live a normal life for once, no gamer life with a long distance relationship and an attachment to a mans every word. This year I'm going to have a job, going to have a means of getting places, and I have a boyfriend. I will live the life as I should have been, happily in the arms of family, friends and with the person I'm going out with. Tonight I say goodbye for the last time. Goodbye Brad. You both ruined my life and opened it up to so much. You woke up from my slumber, not because you brought my heart out, but because you smashed it into pieces so I had no choice but to wake up. Then when I was falling into the insanity of realization, I was picked up by my hair by people who happened to care. They made me feel guilty for not wanting to leave my house, they made me feel like I needed to be with them or else they would be hurt. They gave me something to live for. I had a reason to be in reality. Then he came, like a Knight in the darkness, and he gave me a real relationship. All with hugging, kissing, and texting, He went to my school and I hadn't noticed he existed until one day I looked up and suddenly he became a possibility.

Well, saying I didn't know he existed is a bit cruel. I knew he was there, I had a crush on him before, I just never thought in a million years that he might consider me date worthy. He's in the band and highly intelligent, I'm a lazy larger girl with nothing but time on my hands and the thought of getting high in my head. What could he see in me? He is attractive and a handsome 5'9" and yet he still calls me beautiful even though I am 5'3" and awkwardly chubby. Not to mention I am a bit of an odd ball. 

Here he is, in my heart and on my mind even though he went to bed a while ago. He always does things that surprises me, or irritates me. He probably doesn't know it but I have to actually try and be mad at him when he does something that should upset me. Nothing about him could upset me that much though.

For once I feel like it might actually work. We are both the type of people who wouldn't give up easily, we are also both the type who are passively aggressive. It really is nice to have real things in common with someone.

Well....

Back on topic, since I went off to talk about how amazing he is, the reason I want to forget you Brad, is because now I have Alex. Even if we don't work out, Alex and I, I will feel happy always to know that I was able to get the chance to love him for at least the amount of time we  were together.

I love you Alex, thank you for everything you gave me in this short amount of time!  

Deja vu and Anxiety?

http://ehealthforum.com/health/topic557_20.html

I've been feeling deja vu of this same memory of me going on base, at this place called fort stuart. This happened on Monday so I left it out on the description of Monday. I feel like I have done it before, except last time i did it differently a bit, but same place doing everything the same. It almost feels like I've been reset back to this time for a reason, like I should change something. I don't know.

Saturday
It started shortly after I had began hanging out with some friends and I had looked up at the sky and noticed the stars moving faster than everything else around me. After noticing that I tapped my foot and bounced around a lot and begged my boyfriend for food. Right after I did suddenly a wave of panic washed over me and I zoned out. I knew he would say no and apologize for not having any money to give. It went down hill from there, all I could do was listen as i went through the same motions once again. I got on the phone and talked to him during splice and then it kept hitting me, "this has happened." Then he talked to this girl on the phone and I knew that I would say "no I meant he's from ------" (I excluded where he is from because I don't want to share that information) The rest of the night rushed past me, watching Hell Girl, standing in my kitchen, us getting off the phone and me passing out.

Sunday
We woke up and smoked shortly after eating pancakes. I couldn't believe the dejavu feeling still wouldn't go away. I saw them make a "gravity ----" from scratch and I took a picture off it. Throughout our whole time hanging out I kept saying "I've done this before, don't you guys remember us sitting out here before?" and all they said was "we did this yesterday". What I meant was that we had done this day before and not that we had been outside sitting beside our garage. John had given me a similar look when I had said "this feels like dejavu" the first time (I believe the first time it happened, the moment I mean) I had mistaken it for him understanding but it was really just him being perplexed by what I had said.The day continued with me feeling the "sickness" of dejavu, I can't remember it actually to point after that morning.

Monday
I saw my friend Elizabeth in the same dress as she had worn the first time. We had the same conversation with her getting annoyed at me for keep going on about dejavu and doing everything that day again.  I had done it again, I wore the same clothes that day. It went buy slowly, I keep feeling impending doom from this. What am I supposed to change this time?

Tuesday
Elizabeth showed me a picture that I felt she had shown me before. I wore the dancing kitteh shirt I had worn the first time. I told Elizabeth about me talking to my boyfriend and him helping me through my nonsense, but I felt like I couldn't talk to her truly about what was going on in my noggin. We signed up for the blood drive, I gave away the same piece of candy, etc. I had looked up and saw Jamy, a girl at my table, eating a bon-bon, I again felt like I had seen it before. (even though this is my first time sitting at a table with her). All day felt like I had done everything before, just me going through the same motions again. I found people like me though, it could be epilepsy or a tumor; it could also have no explanation, not one that is rational at least. I'm not sure if my boyfriend understands me or just thinks it's in my head. I've experienced this before, not this specific week (although I feel I have this week) but the dejavu. It used to hit me with nausea and inability to move or comprehend things around me, but that has subsided mostly. I wanted to post this so I could get it out though, so here it is. Your not alone other people out there who go through this.


~Myranda

Update 11/12/11

I've been super busy with school, everything has been wonderful in Georgia, school is going great! I've been hanging out with my friends, having fun, going places, and just enjoying life. Recently I've spent a lot of time at my friends Bonnie Jones's house, Bonnie, Kayla, Ashton and I just hang out and do crazy things like making funny videos for youtube (most recent one is http://www.youtube.com/user/LabrunumANDQAnneLace#p/u/5/1vafW7Sdm3A ) We look so goofy! I have so much fun with them, they are a great bunch of people that just know how to keep me laughing. :) My mom just turned 40 years old this November 10th, we had a nice little party with just Brooke, Hawthorne, Dad, Mom and me, we ate cake and watched TV together. She got an MP3 player and I helped her download some music. We get out for Thanksgiving Break on the 18th and we don't go back till the 28th, which is awesome I really need a good long break off of school. Then another month and this semester will be over! Can't wait till next semester, I will be able to sign up for Japanese for my semester year. That will be awesome! Right now I'm taking German, I love it but I still want Japanese, who knows though, maybe I'll end up going to Japan and Germany! I don't play WOW that often anymore, been out of it, I have moments of extreme WOW playing and moments of super lows. I don't know if not playing is a good thing, I miss being so close to my dad, and having a common thing we both like. We'll find something else though that we both like. I did find this new artist named Kanon Wakeshima, she does this kind of classical sound, but with a poetic/dark touch to her music. I just love it! I've also found this site called www.textfugu.com which is a great resource for Japanese lessons, if anyone is interested and along with with that a Japanese dictionary http://jisho.org/ . TThere is also this great site for flashcards called http://www.memrise.com/welcome/ which you can use for more languages other than just Japanese. If you have any questions about where I got these please contact me at wickedpain2421@gmail.com
Have a nice day :):):)

It's been awhile...

Guten Tag! (that's good day in German)
It's been a loooooong time since I've posted anything on here >.<. School has been busy, I've hardly had time to practice Wicca, and keep up with school. I'm going to try and post more stuff on here, but it will probably mostly be on Japanese, and how I'm what I learn each week. I'm also taking German! It's so much fun! Ever since I found out that my ancestors came from Austria and Germany I've been all over trying to find out allot about the culture, the language and some of it's history! So far I've learned greetings, how to order something, how to buy stuff at a store, colors, numbers and some other really cool stuff. I'm going to take all three level of classes that are available to me.  I'm also going to be taking Japanese (hopefully) on virtual school course. I am supposed to have a 95 average in all my classes, but maybe there will be an exception? I have an 88, (that's ONLY because I missed allot of days for medical reasons), so maybe he'll make an exception. I've wanted to go to Japan since I was 9, ever since I learned a little bit about Japan I've been opsessed with finding all I can about Japan and it culture. I love looking up videos about people going to visit there are those who live there, it's just seems like the place to be! Well anyways, I should probably talk about some other things that's going on in my life right now... My now ex-boyfriend left me in August. It was a tough time because really made me feel like I wanted to work hard, but he left, and he also broke up with me. Now that we are over though life is much better. I used to stay home and not go out with friends because I would want to be with him, or be talking to him, but now..  now I hang out with my friends and I ENJOY life so much more better! I went to my first Pagan Pride Festival in September ( he would have had a fit if we had been together), it was so amazing to be around like minded people and to see what they all offered.
I  just turned 18 on September 21, that was exciting. and life just keeps getting better from there. :) I hope to update some more later! I'm re-starting my cat blog/RP blog if you want to check it out it's herehttp://warriorcatsthornkit.blogspot.com/
Thanks everyone!

Soooo....

I've been watching videos by Tiptoechick (awesome youtuber so far!) and she has really just made me think about where I'm going with paganism, wicca, and my path in general. To be really honest I don't know. I feel insecure about my ability to meditate correctly or learn the information that I've been finding all over the web, or even if I truelly understand the threefold law that I try to adopt as a moral compass of sorts. Right now I'm just confused, all the books I have they go into spell work, and they talk about all these spells and tools, divination and different things, correspondences with days, candles, just things I can barely wrap my mind around. It all feels like a blur flying past me without me really understanding what it's trying to say. Yet the feeling I get when I walk outside, and I feel my bare feet touch the grass and dirt, and I smell clean air, I know these things are what I want. I'm just not sure if I am ready, I want a teacher. I want someone to take me into the forest and show me things that my hectic eyes miss, I want someone to stand under a night sky and tell me stories about the stars, or a group to build a fire with and chant around in a circle so that we all feel connected to the mother earth. I'm just so confused about my path, but I'm glad that I found Tiptoechick, to make me question MYself, make me think deeply about my connection to the Goddess and admit the things that I feel that I fail at. I can't do spell work, I'm not that great at ritual I sort of just do what I feel at the time but I do follow a certain order and I feel relaxed afterwards, I'm terrible at remembering the difference between and Esbat and a Sabbat, a waxing and a waning moon (I'm getting better at that though) or widdershin or doesil, I'm lost on whether or not I'm supposed to memorize the Sabbats and the different names for the moons. I do know I have faith in the Goddesses deep within my heart, waiting for me to find them, to be able to worship the ones that call to me is what I want, it's what will define my path. I"m not sure where this is going, but I just wanted to write what I felt as I was watching her video, and what I felt I needed to fix in my life (which is exorcising,studying the earth, Goddesses, and Wicca, and volunteer at a vet offices because I think I want to be a vet when I graduate high school) I just feel great now though, being able to admit my fears, even though nobody probably reads this. I'm ready to begin to look inside myself now, I hope to post more soon about this new journey I'm going on.

A lot of Hate

A lot of the things I learn about Wicca, I read on the internet and it is hard for me to know if everything I read is correct or right. One thing I do know, is it upsets me whenever I go on any religious forum or what not, there is just so much hate. I know allot of it is just trolls but I don't understand why people are so hateful constantly. Even the smallest of articles has a uproar of hate, and hardly any good comments because people have to get up and defend the article instead of just enjoying it and encouraging the author. Even posting things on forums on different sites as caused allot of hateful comments, when I specifically asked for people who where Wicca or pagan in general. The first comments were hate, and the comments that followed were comments defending Wicca. I know I could just ignore those comments all together, but I like to go and read comments after a good article and just enjoy listening to people who actually liked it, not trolls on the web who haven nothing better to do then to look up Wiccan or Pagan articles and post hate remarks. Well that is my tid-bit for today. ^.^