Soooo....

I've been watching videos by Tiptoechick (awesome youtuber so far!) and she has really just made me think about where I'm going with paganism, wicca, and my path in general. To be really honest I don't know. I feel insecure about my ability to meditate correctly or learn the information that I've been finding all over the web, or even if I truelly understand the threefold law that I try to adopt as a moral compass of sorts. Right now I'm just confused, all the books I have they go into spell work, and they talk about all these spells and tools, divination and different things, correspondences with days, candles, just things I can barely wrap my mind around. It all feels like a blur flying past me without me really understanding what it's trying to say. Yet the feeling I get when I walk outside, and I feel my bare feet touch the grass and dirt, and I smell clean air, I know these things are what I want. I'm just not sure if I am ready, I want a teacher. I want someone to take me into the forest and show me things that my hectic eyes miss, I want someone to stand under a night sky and tell me stories about the stars, or a group to build a fire with and chant around in a circle so that we all feel connected to the mother earth. I'm just so confused about my path, but I'm glad that I found Tiptoechick, to make me question MYself, make me think deeply about my connection to the Goddess and admit the things that I feel that I fail at. I can't do spell work, I'm not that great at ritual I sort of just do what I feel at the time but I do follow a certain order and I feel relaxed afterwards, I'm terrible at remembering the difference between and Esbat and a Sabbat, a waxing and a waning moon (I'm getting better at that though) or widdershin or doesil, I'm lost on whether or not I'm supposed to memorize the Sabbats and the different names for the moons. I do know I have faith in the Goddesses deep within my heart, waiting for me to find them, to be able to worship the ones that call to me is what I want, it's what will define my path. I"m not sure where this is going, but I just wanted to write what I felt as I was watching her video, and what I felt I needed to fix in my life (which is exorcising,studying the earth, Goddesses, and Wicca, and volunteer at a vet offices because I think I want to be a vet when I graduate high school) I just feel great now though, being able to admit my fears, even though nobody probably reads this. I'm ready to begin to look inside myself now, I hope to post more soon about this new journey I'm going on.

A lot of Hate

A lot of the things I learn about Wicca, I read on the internet and it is hard for me to know if everything I read is correct or right. One thing I do know, is it upsets me whenever I go on any religious forum or what not, there is just so much hate. I know allot of it is just trolls but I don't understand why people are so hateful constantly. Even the smallest of articles has a uproar of hate, and hardly any good comments because people have to get up and defend the article instead of just enjoying it and encouraging the author. Even posting things on forums on different sites as caused allot of hateful comments, when I specifically asked for people who where Wicca or pagan in general. The first comments were hate, and the comments that followed were comments defending Wicca. I know I could just ignore those comments all together, but I like to go and read comments after a good article and just enjoy listening to people who actually liked it, not trolls on the web who haven nothing better to do then to look up Wiccan or Pagan articles and post hate remarks. Well that is my tid-bit for today. ^.^